Decisions, decisions...
Posted on 2008-Mar-31 at 08:50
I feel tired.
I feel tired all the time lately. I haven’t been treating myself or Fundy right and this whole not-knowing-the-future-of-my-job thing has not been resolved and has worn me down into an emotional puddle. I feel like I have been used and am a failure and a fool.
And so it is time to gather some strength. Time to take the reins and call a few shots to get this show back on track. After a freak argument this weekend (actually, we must be the only couple in the world to have had a fight after seeing a Jack Johnson concert) the Fundinator and I had a good talk and made some hard decisions:
Decision 1: I will quit this bloody job and reclaim my sanity. Yes, it was great for a little while, but now it is sending me around the twist. My boss knows he is going to dissolve the company but is currently keeping that fact a great big secret for his own ends. Except the person carrying the weight of it is me. So, I am going to resign and walk away at the same time as the lease on the Poo Brown Flat expires (17th May). Boss Man can keep his six-figured promises and his new company. I’m no longer interested.
Decision 2: I will realise that I am not a fool and a failure and that, in fact, this whole turn of employment events has been out of my hands. I will stop behaving like the Antichrist.
Decision 3: Neil will quit his job at the same time. He had already resigned once when we thought we were going to Darwin and so has been only continuing on an ad hoc basis anyway – and he is not particularly enjoying it. Oh it was all fine when we thought it was just to be a short term measure, but in reality the commute is a real arse chapper for the poor man. We two really aren’t meant for the city.
Decision 4: We will take advantage of the fact that we have not accumulated any ‘stuff’ (the Poo Brown Flat came fully furnished right down to the teaspoons) and go right back to our original Plan A. That is, we will head over east and spend a little bit of time staying with my Mum and helping her sort out her health and her house. During this time we will find ourselves a car and, eventually, head north along the eastern Australian coastline to Cairns. Here we will push the button marked idiot to see what comes out (meanwhile enjoying a fantastic tropical rainforest and coral reef lifestyle).
So there! *BIFF!* Take THAT city highway. We’re going bushwalking instead. Life is too short.
I will miss Perth, though. I was born here and so will always have a soft spot for it. It has been great to have been able to come back after so many years away and learn about it again. And to spend time with my oldest and bestest friend who still lives nearby. I might even miss the Poo Brown Flat… just a little.
One thing I will miss is a little evening ritual that the Fundinator and I have recently created. We live just near a kind of hill which contains some old World War II tunnels. It only takes us a few minutes to get to the top of it from the Poo Brown Flat and so, every other night, after work, we have been taking up a couple of beers and watching the sun go down over the ocean. It is a great spot and, sitting on a sandstone wall near an old canon, we have aired our thoughts on the latest happenings and the position in which we find ourselves with the benefit of looking over both the city and the sea and of perhaps being able to see things from a different perspective (think: a young Ethan Hawke standing on his desk at the end of Dead Poets Society).
And what a promising point of view it is:
Fundy enjoys a cool tube atop 'the hill'
It’s so easy to sometimes forget what life is all about. Especially when you are trying so hard to make ends meet. It’s important to remember to stop, look around and breathe out.
Everything is going to be OK.
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